As you may have seen on webisode 2 of my hot new reality series which you must go watch 10 TIMES, I rocked my job interview the other day. I don't know where that expression came from, "the other day". There are lots of days. Infinity days. It doesn't make much sense to just refer to "the other day". But I've lost all track of days since I got here. So let's get back on topic. What was I talking about? Oh right, that hot interview lady at the mall. I think her name was Doreen. Couldn't you just smell the sexual tension? How could you? Movies in this part of the world don't capture smell so well. But I'm sure even non-magic folks like you could feel the heat between us. I'm a little nervous actually about what this could mean for our working relationship. I mean, I'm absolutely fine with mingling sexually with my co-workers. Mrs. Claus and I made it work for several centuries. We always liked to sneak off into the mail room and get all sexed up on those ridiculous letters children would send us. But in the mall Santa world, there's a myth to uphold. The children must never know that Mrs. Claus and I have separated. Their image of me must never be tainted. But that Dorris could ruin everything. Have you seen the way she looks at me? The way she cocks her eyebrow suggestively? The way she rubs her hands all over her face to keep from fainting? It' s too obvious. Even a child would be able to smell what was happening. I'll have to tell her on Monday when I start at the mall that if we're going to do this, it must be kept secret. And if she wants to get down in Santa's castle, it's gotta be quick and dirty... just how I like it.
santa...OUT
