I'm not an angry man, by nature. I've got a more reserved temperment than most. 400 years living at the north pole with several thousand bumbling half-wit elves and a wife with a fuse about as short as jesus' tiny penis has resulted in a rope of patience about as long as my own much greater penis. But I must say, on account of your human technology, I have just today found the end of that rope.
My cousin Dave introduced me to this wonderful ethnic erotic website with all sorts of beautiful ladies of all different shapes and sizes and colours. (One quick sidenote, I commend you Canadians on your wide-ranging multi-cultural preferences.) Upon determining my flavour for the day (a striking Latino beauty named Esperanza and a powerful African gentleman known as Mandingo), I proceeded to purchase my entertainment using Mrs. Claus' credit card. However, once the candles were lit and I had settled into the bathtub with my laptop, I was horrified to discover that the video I had downloaded was a quicktime movie and compatible only with Apple computers. I, being a loyal customer to Windows (as Dave has taught me), was thus unable to enjoy the story of Esperanza and Mandingo and learn the results of their torrid love affair in the back seat of Mandingo's Cadillac Escalade. I had to settle for the 10-second sample clips instead. Shortly thereafter I fell asleep in the bathtub most unsatisfied.
I think the lesson behind this story is quite clear... when purchasing erotic entertainment, never use your own credit card because you never know when you're going to get left to soak in a tub of your own loneliness and despair.
S.C.out
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