This is the official blog of Nicholas Claus. aka. Santa. aka. Kris Kringle. aka. Old St. Nick.
Santa's new to all these social networking shinanigans. Your world is both terrifying and exciting to me. I am learning all sorts of marvellous new things about the land outside of the arctic circle. For example, did you know that magical elves are not hidden in the drive-thru boxes and scurrying about underground preparing your delicious all-beef-quarter-pounder sandwiches at the McDonald's restaurants? There are also no elves realigning the bowling pins and sending your balls cascading gingerly back onto the rack at the local bowling alley.
We use elves for all manner of quotidian tasks up at the north pole. But you humans have managed to find clever solutions to many of life's more mundane challenges without the use of magic. I both pity and respect you for this. It is a pleasure to be living amongst you at last. If you see me in the Sears department store or whizzing around in my shiny new Jeep Compass, (which I'm very pleased with, by the way) don't forget to point and laugh (these being the standard salutory gestures in this city, as I have gathered thus far.)
And if you happen to see Jesus strutting around with his slutty Christian groupies, tell him Santa says, "Go to HELL you dirty hippy d-bag!"
santa...out
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